Apparently you make a good broom.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
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