I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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