Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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