So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
