I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
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There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.