1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
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Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.