So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.