I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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