I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!