before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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