kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
