Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
