is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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