thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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