i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
