im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
