After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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