I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is Oprah even human
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
