this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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