I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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