remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize