don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
