My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
