oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
