He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
