Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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