he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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