I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
