and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
