she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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