Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.