True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.