What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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