glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
