I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
