yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
this will be a night to untag.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
