Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
