is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
