he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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