Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
