Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
