please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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