Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
