I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
