I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
