You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
