I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
