just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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