some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
