He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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