yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
