doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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