I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize