yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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