I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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