Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
