i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.