so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dating After Heartbreak
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
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in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.