i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
