i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt