Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.