I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
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I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
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I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well