There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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