Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
