matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
