His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
