Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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