oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
