Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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