so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
