At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
