All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My vagina is officially offended.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There's even glitter on my cock...
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