dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This house was built for laser tag.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
