he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
its liver damage thursday
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
